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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Friday, 25 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

25 September 2026

1843 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

Pentagon recalls Thanksgiving MREs that were contaminated with real turkey

Filed · 1536

QUANTICO, Va. — The Pentagon on Wednesday issued an emergency recall of more than 750,000 Meals, Ready to Eat, after it was discovered the rations had been contaminated with real turkey.

"Shredded Tryptophan-Induced Poultry Product in Gravy Sauce," which was deemed item 12 in the latest batch of MRE's shipped across the globe last week, was found to contain "an almost 100% contamination rate" among the boxes shipped out across the military.

"We can't just allow our service men and women to be exposed to such harmful substances," Army Col. James McDoughery said. "I mean it's one thing to inhale a cubic pound of 7 ton exhaust every day, or to have abnormal amounts of diesel fuel in a unit’s water supply from time to time. But the kind of damage it would cause if troops suddenly started eating actual food in the field could be catastrophic."

He added: "They might find they have morale. And if they ever found it, they would realize just how low it’s been all these years.”

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