THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense acknowledged the number of vaccinated service members continues to rise on Wednesday when it announced that troops fully vaccinated against Covid-19 will no longer have to wear a mask while throwing up in the back of an Uber.

“The safety of our servicemembers is our number one priority, and we’re proud that our men and women in uniform can now return to some semblance of normalcy,” Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin said in a memo to the force.

“Whether you’re a Marine lance corporal who is blacked out at a strip club in Jacksonville on a Tuesday or an Army major who got absolutely wasted drinking micheladas at brunch in Arlington, you no longer have to wear a mask while spewing your guts out in an Uber on the ride home.”