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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

2213 Zulu

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Pentagon · Page 3

Pentagon says vaccinated troops no longer have to wear masks while throwing up in an Uber

Finally a return to normalcy.

Filed · 0500

THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense acknowledged the number of vaccinated service members continues to rise on Wednesday when it announced that troops fully vaccinated against Covid-19 will no longer have to wear a mask while throwing up in the back of an Uber.

“The safety of our servicemembers is our number one priority, and we’re proud that our men and women in uniform can now return to some semblance of normalcy,” Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin said in a memo to the force.

“Whether you’re a Marine lance corporal who is blacked out at a strip club in Jacksonville on a Tuesday or an Army major who got absolutely wasted drinking micheladas at brunch in Arlington, you no longer have to wear a mask while spewing your guts out in an Uber on the ride home.”

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