Pentagon spends $50 million on Fraud and Waste Prevention Summit

TYBEE ISLAND, Ga. — Tens of thousands of civilian and military leaders took part in a three-day Fraud and Waste Prevention Summit held off the Georgia coast over the weekend for $50 million, sources confirmed today.

The event, held at Tybee Island's Beach Ballroom and Wedding Chapel, featured a number of panel discussions and speeches for attendees to learn how best to save the government money while enjoying massage sessions and a fully-stocked bar. And in a nod to Defense Secretary Jim Mattis insistence on bureaucrats not taking a "cavalier" attitude toward taxpayer dollars, the event's planners capped the alcohol budget at $20 million, officials said.

The Pentagon takes the prevention of fraud, waste, and abuse very seriously, according to officials. When such problems are reported to upper management, for example, officials say the matter is typically fixed within a matter of days through a complex process of reprisal and termination of the person giving the report.

"We get rid of these nosy problem makers as soon as they make themselves known," said Army Col. Robert Manning, a Pentagon spokesman.

Besides classroom instruction and networking opportunities, attendees also enjoyed live entertainment from the band Imagine Dragons, which offered the Pentagon a discounted military rate for the show of $12.2 million. Unfortunately, due to the band signing a no-bid contract to perform, its equipment and stage set-up, roadies, and need for a new trailer at the venue increased the cost by another $7.7 million, officials said.

Still, attendees raved about the success of the summit and all that they learned from it.

"What an incredible weekend of partying, tanning, beach days, beer, and the beautiful ocean," said Patrick Smith, a civilian budget analyst. "Oh, and the uh, panels were, uh, really fantastic."