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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Saturday, 14 November 2026

Navy & Marines

Marine with extremely low IQ thrilled by switch to Super Intelligence

Marine Corps announces major technological advancement requiring millions of dollars in new signage and PowerPoint slides

Homeless veterans receive 10% off cardboard boxes this Veterans Day

Hegseth asks staff to make next execution more like ‘The Running Man’

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Vol. 15 · No. 136

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Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

14 November 2026

1158 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Pentagon to station troops at schools for ultra-realistic combat training

Filed · 1533

THE PENTAGON — Following the deadly shooting in Texas last week amid a rash of other school shootings this year, the Pentagon has announced it will be stationing active duty troops in U.S. schools to give them ultra-realistic combat training, sources confirmed today.

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis explained that exposing junior service-members to the stresses of battle as experienced recently in the nation’s schools will prepare them for what they will eventually face in Afghanistan and Iraq.

“Suburban American schools are the perfect environment to provide realistic live-fire training on a regular basis,” Mattis said, adding that an incompetent and angry teenager "randomly spraying bullets also mirrors the exact types of enemies our troops will be fighting downrange.”

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