THE PENTAGON — The Pentagon's top public affairs branch has won the National Book Award for its fictionalized account of how the Afghan War has been carried out over the past 17 years, sources confirmed today.

The prestigious award in the Fiction category was bestowed upon the Defense Media Activity for its continuous and upbeat coverage of the war for nearly two decades, which has offered a rich and imaginative alternate historical account of what has actually taken place.

"We're incredibly proud of this award and for what this means for our profession of public affairs," said Army Col. Bernard Koelsch, DMA Acting Director. "Since 9/11, we have been providing the American public the best source of news, photographs, and analysis of a shit-show that our professionals have been able to spin into victory."