Pentagon wins National Book Award for fictional account of Afghan War

THE PENTAGON — The Pentagon's top public affairs branch has won the National Book Award for its fictionalized account of how the Afghan War has been carried out over the past 17 years, sources confirmed today.

The prestigious award in the Fiction category was bestowed upon the Defense Media Activity for its continuous and upbeat coverage of the war for nearly two decades, which has offered a rich and imaginative alternate historical account of what has actually taken place.

"We're incredibly proud of this award and for what this means for our profession of public affairs," said Army Col. Bernard Koelsch, DMA Acting Director. "Since 9/11, we have been providing the American public the best source of news, photographs, and analysis of a shit-show that our professionals have been able to spin into victory."

Crafting such a compelling narrative for such a long time has been quite the challenge, according to Koelsch. "Many people thought the story should have ended after losing major characters like Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and George W. Bush, but we've managed to create entirely new reasons to keep the saga of the Afghan War alive."

Still, DMA did come up against stiff competition among judges for the National Book Foundation. Lockheed Martin, for example, came in second place for its fictional account of its F-35 program, while the foundation also looked into former Vice President Dick Cheney's contribution to literature through his public statements prior to the Iraq War.

The award will be presented at a ceremony and benefit dinner in November, where DMA says it plans to accept the award on behalf of all those who have served the cause of writing official government novels on all manner of battles, weapons programs, and wars since the founding of the United States.

Addison Blu contributed reporting.