Private Swarmed By Women Wanting Cut Of That Sweet E-2 Pay
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A soldier was swarmed by gold-digging women wanting a piece of his lavish pay earlier today, sources confirmed.
“It was crazy,” said Pvt. Darren Wright. “I tried to sneak off but a woman saw me and started screaming ‘Money! Take care of my kids!’ I tried to run but they were too fast.”
Sources confirmed the moment Wright stepped off base he was surrounded by gorgeous women in a manner similar to a feeding frenzy. Fortunately, Wright was able to remember the warnings his first sergeant gave him and recognized what was happening.
“He told us there were tons of women who were going to use me to get a cut of my benefits. Most of them were planning on spermjacking me for child support. A bunch of them had to be terrorists looking for information. I knew exactly what was going on and was able to see through their tricks. I’m not stupid.”
Wright was lucky to escape with his life, according to one senior defense official. As at least one PowerPoint presentation for annual STD…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.