Pimpatronic 5000 appointed as Navy Vice Admiral of Vice
WASHINGTON — Sir Orgasmotron Electrokisses IV has been appointed the Navy's 56th Vice Admiral of Vice, and was sworn in at a small ceremony today in the Pentagon's pleasure gardens during the new autumn moon amidst a roiling mass of bodies, flesh, and stink, sources confirmed.
"Welcome brothers and sisters in sin," oozed Orgasmotron while a spinning disco-ball raised from the middle of a large champagne fountain. "I hereby swear to fulfill my duties under Article Sex of the United States Constitution," he continued while penetrating a young intern with numerous pleasure tentacles.
Admiral Electrokisses is the newest in the Pimpatronic line — model 5,000. He comes equipped with dozens of detachable arms, seven access ports, a 15k generator, and four mouths, among other features.
"Your silly human emotions can only sense fugue in which you currently find yourselves, but I, Vice Admiral Orgasmotron will lead your through this journey" the machine said. He then threw off a high-collared, red…
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