Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
20,000+readers briefed

Pimpatronic 5000 appointed as Navy Vice Admiral of vice

WASHINGTON — Sir Orgasmotron Electrokisses IV has been appointed the Navy's 56th Vice Admiral of Vice, and was sworn in at a small ceremony today in the Pentagon's pleasure gardens during the new autumn moon amidst a roiling mass of bodies, flesh, and stink, sources confirmed.

"Welcome brothers and sisters in sin," oozed Orgasmotron while a spinning disco-ball raised from the middle of a large champagne fountain. "I hereby swear to fulfill my duties under Article Sex of the United States Constitution," he continued while penetrating a young intern with numerous pleasure tentacles.

Admiral Electrokisses is the newest in the Pimpatronic line — model 5,000. He comes equipped with dozens of detachable arms, seven access ports, a 15k generator, and four mouths, among other features.

More Stories

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal
WELCOME10 — 10% off applied at checkout

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!