Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
20,000+readers briefed

There's a piss test this morning

YOUR ROOM — Your buddy, Private First Class William Jenkins, is frantically pounding on your door, yelling something about a piss test first thing this morning.

"I heard from Spc. Jones who overheard Staff Sgt. Sweeney tell Sgt. Jensen to be on hand for meat-gazing this morning," he huffed. "Man, that Easter grass was such a bad idea!"

You, too, immediately regret blazing up on the highest of holy holidays, and are apparently struggling to expel all evidence of your extracurricular activities during the past 72 hours. Sources also confirmed that Staff Sgt. Sweeney still has your Whizzinator from the last urinalysis after you've already torn apart your room in vain looking for it.

More Stories

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal
WELCOME10 — 10% off applied at checkout

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!