Army planners solve Korea tensions with proposal to move Seoul 300 miles south

SEOUL — American military planners in South Korea have developed a solution to avoid civilian casualties in the event of a war with North Korea, sources confirmed today.

"If this thing ever kicks off with North Korea, Seoul is gonna get slimed with all sorts of chem, hammered with artillery, and maybe even a nuke," said Lt. Col. Jim Johnson, a planner wi…