FORT HOOD, TX - Following a strange meteorological phenomenon late last night, 2nd Platoon’s connex attained self-awareness and developed a ravenous hunger for the tender meat of the unbaptized.
A connex is a large metal container used by the Army to store and ship large amounts of equipment. 2nd Platoon’s connex typically fit this description until the green meteorites began to fall at approximately 0245 this morning.
“The falling green objects are nothing to be worried about. It was just a MLRS (Multi-Launch-Rocket-System) test which malfunctioned. The Army, and especially us at III Corp, pride ourselves on our readiness,” said public affairs officer CPT John Hawn.
At 0253, a green light drifted down from the cloud cover and entered a locked connex in the battalion motor pool. Shortly thereafter, a low hum could be heard and a bright yellowish light began pulsating from the inside of the metal container. After eleven minutes, the light died, and the metamorphosis was complete. A2NC 1334526H78, as the connex is known on various hand receipts, had come to life.
