Point/Counterpoint: Good morning sir! vs. I am not a dude, moron
The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about greeting a female officer. The point will be presented by a male Marine lance corporal. The counterpoint will be presented by every female Marine officer who has ever been called sir.
Point: Good morning sir!
Counterpoint: Do I look like I have a dick and balls to you?
Point: I … um …
Counterpoint: I have waist-length hair pinned up in a bun the size of a mother effing grapefruit on my head. What part about that screams “sir” to you?
Point: Sorry sir, I didn’t see your hair. I just saw you benching 300 pounds at the gym — nice job!
Counterpoint: Have you seen “Kindergarten Cop?” Remember that part about “Boys have penises, girls have vaginas?”
Point: Sir, my first sergeant doesn’t let us watch TV.
Counterpoint: Holy shit, am I taking crazy pills?
Point: Sir, the doc could probably give you some Motrin and water if you need it.
Counterpoint: You know there are women in the Marine Corps now, right? We’ve been here about 100 years.
Point: Yes sir! My granny served in World War II.
Counterpoint: Did sweet granny ever tell you what to call a female Marine officer?
Point: Well, granny said they used to call ‘em WAVES or WMs for "Women Marines," but I think they just like to be called Marines now.
Counterpoint: WAIT. You're a gamer, aren't you? Listen: despite what you've heard in Halo and Star Trek, you call female officers Ma'am, and regardless of the fact that I can lift double what you can, I am in fact female.
Point: Roger that, ma'am. My apologies, ma'am.
Counterpoint: Very well, carry-on, Marine. And do the Corps a favor by using that bag of Tide pods in your hand to wash your filthy-ass uniform instead of trying to see how many you can fit in your mouth.
Duffel Blog writer Ted Heller contributed to this article.
Create your profile
Only paid subscribers can comment on this post
Check your email
For your security, we need to re-authenticate you.
Click the link we sent to , or click here to sign in.