The following is a discussion between Robert J. O’Neill, a former Navy SEAL who claims to have killed Osama bin Laden and Timothy Goldman, a 17-year old fast food worker.

POINT: I’m former Navy SEAL Robert J. O’Neill. I’m sure you’re dying to ask so I’ll just get it out of the way. Yes, I’m that Robert J. O’Neill, the guy who shot Bin Laden in the face. No need to thank me for my service. I actually like to keep a pretty low profile, what with all the press and antiwar libtards cruising around these days. If you want an autograph though it’s cool, just don’t tell anyone on Twitter or post that shit to Instagram. Guy like me really treasures his privacy.

COUNTERPOINT: What’s a "bin Laden?"

POINT: Ok, fine. I really don’t like talking about this but you pried it out of me. There we were. It was a warm night in Pakistan. The details are a little fuzzy because as I said before I don’t really talk about this a lot, but I believe it was May 2, 2011, at approximately 01:03, when we touched down in Abbottabad. The night was blustery, and the moon was—