VATICAN CITY — For the first time in seven centuries, support for a new Crusade topped all other economic, religious, and foreign policy concerns, according to yesterday's Vatican/CNN survey of "self-identified" Christians in Europe and the United States.

Nearly 95 percent of respondents reported that they "strongly supported" the building of an army to place the entirety of modern day Israel, Jordan, Syria, and Lebanon under the banner of the Holy See. Those polled indicated that though they "sort of" enjoyed the basic tenets of democracy, the terror attacks in Belgium made them willing to cede all political and military power to the Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Pope Francis.

Though enthusiasm for a new Crusade is exceptionally high, some Vatican historians wonder whether those survey were a bit overzealous.

"We've tried this before and it didn't go all that great in the grand scheme of things," noted Cardinal Carlo Vigano. "If you don't believe me, just Google the word 'Sal…