National Infantry Museum to host gallery of porta-potty artwork

FORT BENNING, Ga. — The U.S. Army's National Infantry Museum and Soldier Center plans to host a gallery of artwork etched and scratched into the walls of porta-potties on U.S. military bases worldwide, highlighting the incredible creativity of men and women in uniform.

"I've never seen so many cocks in one place before. And I've seen a lot of 'em," said Amy Williams, a local military supporter/dancer, adding: "And you can see this one has clearly defined veins and mushroom-stamp layers. The soldier who drew this pecker is clearly a master."

Officials say the gallery will feature various works from anonymous soldier-artists, such as elaborate hand-drawn penises, uplifting poetic works about taking a dump, and well-worn quotes about Wagner and his love for cock.

"I've spent a lot of time in Army porta-shitters. Some of my best moments in fact. The memories just come flooding back,” said Ambrose Grayson, a former infantry soldier.

The most-celebrated work was brought in from the National Training Center in Fort Irwin, Calif. Titled, ‘Jihadi with a Body,’ the unknown artist created a beautifully defined feminine shape that is transformed with a burka and multiple robes, where each robe presented in a different artistic style. All of the above is then sodomized by a stick figure whose only distinguishing feature is a helmet with a big number 1 drawn in with a red sharpie.

"Here we see an example of multiple artists collaborating on a single piece," Jefferson Ward, museum curator, said of another popular piece. "Plus, it's sexy as hell. Our staff has already nicknamed this piece the Buffalo Bill, 'cause it's got all of us putting the lotion on the skin."