Private who snorted three MRE coffee packets during land-nav wanders onto the moon

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – After snorting three MRE coffee packets during a land navigation exercise at Camp Shelby, Mississippi, Pvt. Dillen Roebuck rocketed from the surface of the earth and landed on the far side of the moon, NASA officials confirmed today.

“NASA scientists observed a flaming object traveling away from the earth at a speed of just over 58…