Promotion ceremony has better cake than officers

FORT MEADE, Md. – A promotion ceremony held at the Officer’s Club had better cake than leadership, attendees confirmed Tuesday.

“(Newly Promoted) Lt. Col. Rogers pinned on his forth review, and has been below center of mass from the day he joined,” said Sgt. First Class Ryan Jones, gobbling down a corner piece, laden with rich buttercream. “But this cake is a top block.”

The ceremony was held to recognize Rogers, as well as two other officers in the 116th Military Intelligence Battalion, and attracted a crowd of superiors and peers, all of whom performed their duties with less alacrity than the moist, flavorful cake.

The half chocolate and half vanilla cake exhibited a flexibility in action that would have been really helpful at the last exercise, as well as a smooth raspberry coulis that had more zest than Rogers has ever shown for his work.

Sgt. Maj. Mark Laffrey noted that the perfect wording on the icing was more poetic than Rogers’ fumbled attempt at passing on his leadership advice in his remarks, and, unlike Roger’s weak project management skills, he would willingly go back for a second interaction with the cake, which was sweet without being overpowering.

The cake has been serving in the army for approximately eight hours, since Mrs. Rogers picked it up from a local Costco, but has already done more for the morale and wellbeing of the 116th than Roger’s 12 years of “service.” According to many, the cake would be a shoo-in for War College, and should apply to go resident, unlike Rogers, who should really understand his place.