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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Friday, 25 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

25 September 2026

0308 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Raytheon wins contract to send six guys to stare at shit

Filed · 1549

WASHINGTON — Raytheon won an exclusive contract to send six retired guys out to stare at shit, sources report.

The six guys will come out next week and will wander around for a month. For a few hours a day they will stand in front of a computer stack and stare at it with their arms crossed. Afterward, they will grab hold of a supervisor at a wildly inappropriate time.

“We're here for the reboot, so you need to take the system down,” they'll say, referring to a system that has been working without an issue for years. One will pull out a laptop and announce the instructions on how to restart a computer. Nobody is allowed to ask if this multimillion dollar contract could be completed by giving an E-4 the laptop.

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