Report: Coast Guard will save thousands of people this year, but not your worthless ass

WASHINGTON — The U.S. Coast Guard says it will respond to more than 3,000 incidents this year, likely resulting in more than 200 lives saved, at least 3,800 lives assisted, and approximately $5,365,000 in property saved, according to recent estimates.

But that doesn’t mean that your unimportant and worthless life will be saved, officials added.

“The Coast…