Report: Ryan Lochte took sniper fire while boarding aircraft in Rio
RIO DE JANEIRO – U.S. swimmer Ryan Lochte departed the 2016 Summer Olympics under accurate and sustained sniper fire, U.S. swimmer Ryan Lochte reported, adding with quiet admiration that the platinum-haired athlete displayed “remarkable calm and poise” during the attack.
“I knew it would practically be a combat zone, because people in Rio are actually pretty pissed at me right now,” the aquatic heartthrob explained. “But there was this 8 year-old girl, who apparently is, like, my biggest fan, and I was like, ‘I can’t, I can’t rush by her, I’ve got to at least greet her and still be super suave and cool,’ so I greeted her.”
Lochte was boarding a plane at Galeão International Airport when an unknown marksman opened fire. The rounds harmlessly ricocheted off of the 12-time Olympic medalist’s bulletproof narrative, instead striking the craft’s fuselage and all witnesses.
“Some hater tried to kill me,” Lochte stated. “I was like, ‘Whatever.’”
This marks the second time the Olympian has been on…
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