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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Tuesday, 29 September 2026

Air & Space

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

White House says redesign projects discipline, strength and “absolutely no historical parallels”

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

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Vol. 15 · No. 116

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Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Deployed worldwide

Tuesday

29 September 2026

1309 Zulu

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← Front page
Opinion · Page 2

Opinion: Why I'm resigning my commission, even though I'm the greatest officer ever

Filed · 1540

Photo by Pixom / Unsplash

The following is an opinion piece written by the world's greatest military officer.

The military has been suffering from talent management problems for many years. After over a decade of persistent conflict, many issues have finally come to a boiling point. Talented, top-tier individuals are fleeing in droves after not being properly rewarded for our abilities. This is why, after four years in the service of our nation, I have made the heartrending decision to join so many of my fellow prodigies and resign my commission.

When I graduated from my basic officer course in 2011 I received the coveted honor graduate trophy and a commendation. That, along with my 4.0 GPA from a service academy should have guaranteed me an immediate promotion to O-2, or maybe even O-3. That way someone with my level of abilities could quickly begin addressing the issues that plague our Armed Forces.

Instead of being hailed for my excellence, I was instead placed into a staff position doing busy work along with all of my other idiot classmates who barely graduated. I didn’t even get a designated parking space.

When I was finally promoted to O-2 (at the same time as those mouth breathers in the bottom 99 percent), there was no subsequent increase in responsibility. Letters to general officers and Congress describing the changes necessary to turn this sinking ship around were ignored. Instead I had to chafe every day under the blind, kool-aid swilling leadership of officers whose only qualifications for their jobs was a significant amount of time spent in each subordinate position within the organization.

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