Retired general on Pepsi board vows to win War on Thirst
“We need to refocus everything we do, every day, on refreshment,” retired Lt. Gen. Arland Sanders reported to the board at his first meeting.
By Blondes Over Baghdad
PURCHASE, N.Y. — A retired Army general who recently joined the PepsiCo board of directors has vowed to win the War on Thirst by improving refreshment metrics by 80 percent in the next fiscal year.
“We need to refocus everything we do, every day, on refreshment,” retired Lt. Gen. Arland Sanders reported to the board at his first meeting. “This year Pepsi must invest in all areas of refreshment: soda sustainment, corn-syrup enabling operations, and long-range caffeine projection.”
Sanders wowed the board with tasty-looking pie charts of thirst-quenching metrics to illustrate his point.
“This is the kind of disciplined thinking we were looking for when we brought Sanders on,” said Elizabeth Greenwater, a fellow board member. “He extended his thinking to the snacks division, where he offered a plan to consolidate chips, pretzels, and breakfast cereals into a Crunchiness Center of Excellence.
“I can’t wait to see what happens when he mixes King Vitamin and Mountain Dew …
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