Retiring NCO craps on unit's morale one last time

FORT BENNING, Ga. — Just one month from his final change of responsibility, Sgt. Maj. Christopher Roth realized that he needed one more emotional boost before his retirement. He had noticed things in his unit were going too well. Roth informed subordinate leaders that they would pointlessly hold formation one hour prior to morning flag call for no reason for an entire week.

"I knew my soldiers would expect nothing less from me, as I say my final farewell to the unit" said Roth. "When I was a young private, my leaders did pointless things, so why wouldn't I follow in their footsteps?"

Even though this isn't the worst thing Roth has put his Soldiers through during his time in command, he is sure it will be the perfect way to lower the unit's morale just enough for his successor to have an easier time to look like a good leader.

"That's just the way these things go" said Roth. "I make things really stupid as I'm leaving. That way, the next person in my position can change it and make all the soldiers think things are gonna be different," Roth said.

After complaints from lower-level leaders, Roth decided to add in a family fun run for the last day of the early reporting to ensure he completely sapped everyone's morale.

"I know everyone will be happy about a fun run and will help them get over the fact they're standing there for an hour doing nothing" Roth said. "I even told them they should invite their families to join."

Soldiers are allowed to wear civilian clothes for the run and are expected to be in formation with their loved ones no later than 0530 to prepare for 0630 Reveille. Family pets are welcome as well.