NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Maj. Gen. Terry Haston, the adjutant general for the Tennessee National Guard who ended and ruined several careers over a lighthearted reenlistment video featuring a puppet, has revealed that he was severely mistreated by a dinosaur puppet as a child, sources confirmed today.

The T-rex puppet, worn by his uncle Steve and nicknamed “Dangersaurus,” was the cause of enormous emotional trauma for the young Haston.

“If you experienced the horrors I did, you’d know that we have to stay focused on what really matters in the military, and that’s the perils of dinosaur puppets,” Haston told reporters. “Trust me, if I talked while Uncle Steve was watching TV, Dangersaurus would slap me silly. I didn’t like it, and neither would anyone in our military.”