Sailor Getting Tired Of Waiting Around To Push Missile Launch Button
MEDITERRANEAN SEA — A sailor on the USS Barry (DDG-52) off the coast of Syria is getting extremely tired of waiting around to push a big red missile launch button, sources confirmed today.
As a fire controlman, FC2 Brian Andrews, 23, has received extensive training in operation and maintenance of electronic equipment on the Tomahawk missile system, as well as practice runs with the fire control system.
"Now, I'd just like to press the goddamn button already," Andrews told reporters as he hovered his finger over the button that could launch a missile right up Assad's asshole. "I mean, come on! What are we waiting for here?"
Indeed, Andrews is just one of many sailors currently circling around in the Mediterranean as a show-of-force against the Syrian regime. One of the most frightening displays of American might of course, is the regular sighting of 20-30 overweight sailors on ship crowding around in a circle, smoking and complaining about being off the coast of Syria.
"Personally, I'd rat…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.