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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

0509 Zulu

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Veterans · Page 2

Sailor outraged children's discount more than veterans at local aquarium

Filed · 1536

BALTIMORE, MD – According to police reports, Lt. Gerald “Jerry” Melman created a scene at the National Aquarium yesterday upon learning his active-duty military discount was less than his four-year old daughter's.

Eyewitnesses say that Melman, a Cryptologic Warfare Officer at nearby Ft. Meade, began wildly gesturing at the senior citizen volunteer in the ticket booth when asked to pay for his family's admission.

“He just started screaming ‘What the hell has she done for freedom?’” said Austin Romberg, another aquarium patron standing in line behind the sailor. Melman also apparently yelled that he had been "serving for five years, have two Navy Achievement Medals, and my Cyber Mission Team at NSA brings the pain to ISIS’ servers!”

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