Sergeant Major can't decide whether to solve COVID-19 crisis with uniform inspections or haircuts

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A local Marine sergeant major was torn today over whether he should solve the global COVID-19 pandemic with uniform inspections or haircuts, sources report.

"On the one hand, making the entire unit stand at attention in close quarters in their dress uniforms for hours on end will send a signal to the virus that we won't let it affect…