Sergeant Major Disappointed 'The Force Awakens' Not About Reveille, Morning PT
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Sgt. Maj. Lawrence Kershner called an emergency battalion formation to warn soldiers not to watch The Force Awakens after seeing it at a midnight showing, battalion sources confirm.
"The film literally has nothing to do with any military force waking up," Kershner told the assembled troops, in a rambling speech that seemed to last nearly as long as the first three movies. "I know you are all as excited as I was to see a movie about reveille and morning PT, but the title is completely false."
The rest of the battalion stood in sleepy-eyed disbelief as Kershner went on to spoil the film's entire plot. He also waxed nostalgic about the allegedly declining US military standards.
"All the disciplined, perfectly matching troops in the polished white armor lost the final battle, mostly because one of their men went AWOL and turned traitor like Bergdahl," Kershner complained. "Where the hell was his battle buddy? Then, he joined the out-of-regs soup sandwich badguys who won by…
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