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Sergeant Major goes on rampage after office equipment refuses to obey

BATTALION HQ — The Battalion Sergeant Major completely lost it on a number of inanimate objects this morning, in a rampage stemming from problems that began with his desktop computer, sources confirmed.

Marines were seen fleeing the command deck as the sergeant major took a fire axe to every electronic device in the office.

Witnesses reported hearing him scream expletives about belligerent printers and an inability to log on to any web site related to the Marine Corps.

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