PATRICK AFB, FL - The 45th Space Wing Operations Group is in mourning this week after the sudden “death by explosion” of their group commander, Colonel Alan Riddick, on Monday morning. Witnesses report that during their weekly staff meeting the colonel suddenly and without warning exploded into a bloody shower of human flesh as he sat at the head of the group’s main conference room table.

“What a horrible thing to happen,” remarked Stanly Tushi, the group’s facility manager. “We just remodeled that room. More government dollars gone to waste.”

“He looked so happy just before he exploded,” another witness reports, “He was kind of smiling, like he knew that it was his time to go and he was at peace with it.”