Soldier with 33 ASVAB apparently smart enough to be a suicide-watch battle buddy
SOUTH KOREA — Just seconds after bellowing "I need a body here," Army 1st Sgt. Donald Goodson decided that 17-year-old Pvt. Jarvis Lewis was the perfect choice to escort a soldier with mental health struggles back to the United States.
"Make sure he doesn't, y'know, fucking off himself or whatever," Goodson told Lewis. "You understand me, son?"
Lewis tried to respond but accidentally blew a snot bubble out of his nostril and spooked himself, sources said.
"For the love of God, just get into international air space before it happens," Goodson reportedly muttered, before stalking off.
Best known for holding the Army record for negligent discharges and for once calling Goodson "mommy" while out in the field, Lewis failed his first three Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery tests with a cumulative score of 10.
Sources say that he smuggled his 4-year-old brother in to cheat for him on the fourth try, where he later emerged with a score of 33, which rates as "good enough for Korea," Army r…
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