SWAINSBORO, GA - Friends and relatives praised PFC Brian Malloy today for his commitment to fight for America's freedoms, apparently unaware that he himself has given up those same freedoms, report sources from a recent family barbecue.

Malloy, a 19-year-old paratrooper assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division at Ft. Bragg, drove to his hometown last weekend. The occasion marked the first time Malloy had seen most of his family since enlisting, and he was greeted with enthusiasm and well-wishes.

"Thank you for your service," maternal uncle and tire salesman Mike Riggins said while vigorously shaking Malloy's hand.

"You make me so proud there are still good Americans out there, but you wouldn't know it if you looked at that asshole Obama," Riggins added, communicating an opinion about the Commander in Chief that Malloy was expressly forbidden from agreeing with in any way.