By Bull Winkle

FORT CARSON, Colo. — First Sgt. Juan Ramarod is taking an old school approach to E-4 conspiracy theorists: He’s taking soldiers to the whiteboard, according to sources.

Soldiers in B Company of the 53rd Engineer Brigade confirm that Spc. Stanley Büttmnchin, a frequent watcher of both One America News (OAN) and MSNBC, has angered nearly every member of the company by indiscriminately and annoyingly using conspiracy terms for every situation.

“Büttmnchin complained that orders to wear a mask were ‘government tyranny!’” said fellow combat engineer, Pfc. Dwight Jackson. He has accused the unit security manager of being part of the “deep state.” 

“Anybody who disagreed with him about vehicle maintenance procedures was either ‘treasonous,’ or ‘Karen,” Jackson said. “People got pissed, not to mention really confused as shit.”