FORT CAMPBELL, KY – A former member of the U.S. Army’s elite 5th Special Forces Group is not a happy soldier these days. Army Staff Sergeant Mark Diggs is still coming to grips with the fact that his childhood dream of being a Green Beret has been cut short due to an unofficial technicality in the esteemed group’s operating procedures.

“It’s really embarrassing,” said the twenty-eight year old from Spicer, MN. “I keep trying to tell myself that I’m just highly evolved, but it still doesn’t make up for the fact I have a testosterone level of an eleven year-old French boy.”

Diggs is referring to his recent ejection from the legendary unit based on his inability to grow a suitable combat beard.

“My instructors warned me during Robin Sage that I was walking a thin line when they discovered that my hair wasn’t filling out,” he added. “I kept telling them, ‘Patience, patience, it’ll happen. I’m one-sixteenth Cherokee … these things take a while.’ But in my heart I knew I was only delaying the inevitable.”