FORT BENNING, Ga. — One soldier is making good use of his seventh Sexual Harassment/Assault Response and Prevention (SHARP) representative class in as many weeks, sources report, by documenting innovative harassment methodologies to implement after returning to his unit.
Sgt. John Thompson, a self-described "harassment virtuoso" assigned to 3rd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, logged nearly 100 man hours meticulously documenting and formatting over a dozen three-ring binders of cutting edge intimidation and coercion techniques for his own personal use.
"I admit, I was pretty upset the first time I had to go," said Thompson. "But once I got there and discovered all of the latest tactics in sexual harassment, I was hooked."
Skills like taping photos of spouses to the back of bathroom stalls, passive aggressive comments on female soldiers' uniforms "tightness," and hiding slides of his genitals in the Battalion Update Briefing (BUB) slides are only a few of the many tips Hay received at the hands of expert SHARP instructors.
"I never would have thought you could demand sexual favors for range time, but SHARP training showed me anything is possible," Thompson said of the instructional video depicting the exact situation in vivid detail. "And no one says anything about my 'work-day erection' because then, technically, they would be the harasser."
Thompson, however, still remains modest despite recent celebrity.
"I can't take any credit," he said. "It's the training. It changes you."
While Thompson plans to keep enrolling in classes to ensure he furthers his emotionally abusive learning, his section sergeant, Sgt. 1st Class Rebecca Ullman, is trying her best to dissuade battalion leadership from letting him.
"It is a tough sell to the commander because of some ridiculous loophole," said Ullman, referring to the policy of counting every enrollment, even if it is the same person, as someone trained as a SHARP representative. "So currently our battalion simultaneously has the most SHARP representatives and SHARP violations in the entire Army, which somehow evens out to a positive OER bullet."
Despite the additional headache of operating in a nearly intolerable hostile work environment, Ullman expressed her amazement at the sheer volume of dehumanizing tactics Hay implements on a daily basis.
"It is impressive because I know exactly what he is doing and I still feel horrible about myself," said Ullman. "Every time he goes to SHARP training, he comes back with new and progressively more lascivious ways to terrorize his fellow soldiers. In fact, most recently, Hay started targeting male soldiers."
"And he isn't gay or bisexual," Ullman added. "It's for sport."
Battalion leadership was unavailable for comment, but Ullman says the only viable solution to keep Thompson from attending more SHARP training is to nominate him for 2016 3rd ID NCO of the Year.