FORT MCCOY — A soldier eager for an early discharge from the military posted what he hoped would be a career ending picture to his Facebook profile, sources confirmed today. With three years left on his contract, Specialist James Dobson had been trying to get kicked out for nearly a year.
"I almost gave up hope," said Dobson. "Nothing seemed to work. I gained 50 pounds trying to eat my way out of the Army, but they just put me on weight control. I've got two DUI's driving my motorized beer cooler, so they sent me to a substance abuse program. I even took a huge crap on my supply sergeants desk and somehow got promoted."
Dobson believes his chain of command refuses to dishonorably discharge him because it would reflect poorly on their leadership abilities. After racking his brain for months, he discovered a sure-fire way to keep his superiors from sweeping his behavior under the rug.
"I realized the fastest way to end my career," said Dobson, "was to embarrass the military publicly. They really don't like that. They care more about their image than a high school cheerleader with an eating disorder."
