BANGOR, Maine — Local Army National Guardsman Luke Reid vet-splained how he would have "smoked" the Las Vegas shooter on social media this morning, sources confirmed.

"Brother sheepdogs, my heart goes out to the country in this time of nead [sic]," Reid, an E-4 approaching mandatory retirement age, wrote on Facebook. "But it is time for a REAL man to give REAL talk about how I could have dropped that shitbag."

Reid, whose platoon nickname is Lee Harvey Oswald, has never hit a single target during rifle qualification in 27 years, defense officials said. They added that he signs over his drill checks to his first sergeant in exchange for a passing score.