Soldier With Colostomy Is Real Shitbag

FORT HOOD — Master Sgt. Willy Peters is a Wounded Warrior who received the Purple Heart for being wounded in action in Afghanistan, and underwent a colostomy as a result of his injuries. According to soldiers in his unit, 4th Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Peters is also a total shitbag.

“Look, I don’t want to talk shit about a guy who can’t poop right because he got hurt in Afghanistan,” confided Spc. Erin Brooks, a personnel clerk in the company where Peters was the first sergeant before his injury, “but Top never really did all that much. He came back from lunch smelling like whiskey, he couldn’t spell to save his life, and he spent PT hours ‘planning the day’s operations’ in his office.”

After spending six months in Walter Reed Medical Center undergoing various surgeries to repair the wounds he received, Peters was transferred back to Fort Hood. His doctors felt that it would help his mental state if he could work with his old unit a few hours a day. There, Peters does light administrative work while still attending physical therapy with gastrointerologists at the hospital complex in nearby Temple, Texas, which is something of a medical industry mecca.

“Honestly I just wanted him the fuck out of here,” said Dr. (Lt. Col.) Vonn Duek, a surgeon at Walter Reed. “He was always telling other guys here that their injuries didn’t count because they weren’t infantry. Does it make a difference if a kid was a cook or a truck driver if he’s here as a result of combat injuries? Plus whenever a nurse would scold him, he’d throw his bag at her. This place is disgusting enough without that shit.”

Peters deployed to Ghazni province in Afghanistan in 2014. The day of his injury, he took charge of a work detail comprised of soldiers on extra duty as punishment for getting caught smoking in the guard towers. Peters was supervising the detail burning trash in the FOB burn pit.

He’d just thrown several dozen laptop computers and car batteries in the fire when, as far as investigators can tell, a extra-large can of Ranch Style beans overheated and exploded. Peters’ torso was torn open in a dozen places by pieces of aluminum, and also the authentic Southwestern flavor of hearty beans made with the Ranch Style proprietary blend of delicious, savory spices.

Other soldiers with colostomies don’t appreciate Peters' bad example.

“I’ve had an one for about two years now,” said 1st Lt. Dave Goulet, who currently works in G3 Plans at III Corps Headquarters, “and I don’t act like a jerk like that. But this guy comes in and suddenly everybody who poops into a bag looks bad. I might have to wear an ostomy pouch at all times, but that doesn’t make me a shitbag.”