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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Friday, 13 November 2026

Navy & Marines

Marine with extremely low IQ thrilled by switch to Super Intelligence

Marine Corps announces major technological advancement requiring millions of dollars in new signage and PowerPoint slides

Homeless veterans receive 10% off cardboard boxes this Veterans Day

Hegseth asks staff to make next execution more like ‘The Running Man’

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Vol. 15 · No. 136

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Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

13 November 2026

1805 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Soldiers vote for WiFi Hotspot enabled rifles

Filed · 1550

ABERDEEN PROVING GROUND, Maryland — Soldiers nationwide have spoken: The number one piece of equipment the military needs to survive in combat is rifles that also serve as Wifi Hotspots. Despite the fact that WiFi enabled devices were not on the list of necessary survival equipment, soldiers everywhere relayed their ideas to the highest echelons possible noting that the US can’t fight wars without access to Facebook and Twitter.

The Army conducted a "Soldier First" survey from mid-March to late June, asking soldiers a number of questions about tools needed to remain an "Army strong soldier of one warrior." Results ranked soldier warfighting priorities, in order, as: Wifi, Gym, a good dining facility, MWR, and actual warfighting gear.

Several GIs were quick to point out how much faster they would be able to update their statuses on social media if they had the right piece of equipment.

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