South Carolina Celebrates Independence Day By Shelling Fort Sumter
CHARLESTON, S.C. — The roar of cannon fire and the cheers of well-dressed citizens lining the waterfront marked the annual Independence Day celebration in South Carolina, after soldiers of the state's National Guard shelled Fort Sumter in honor of the holiday, sources confirmed.
Lt. Col. Jefferson Davis Busey, commander of 4th Battalion, 118th Infantry Regiment, personally started the festivities at 0800 by firing a barrage of 105mm shells into Ft. Sumter National Park, killing a flock of pelicans and two surprised tourists from Cleveland, Ohio.
When interviewed, citizens and citizen-soldiers alike all expressed their enthusiasm for the traditional festivities. “I do declare, sir, this is the greatest day of the year,” gushed Mr. Archibald Barnwell, a greengrocer. “Long live the great state of South Carolina!”
"We bombard that old ruin every year," Private First Class Gabe Norton told Duffel Blog reporters. "Not really sure why we do it. It's tradition I guess. Like pretending the Army h…
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