By W.E. Linde

FORT BELVOIR, Virginia – Service members can now look forward to the return of popular Meal Ready to Eat Menu 666, which was abruptly discontinued last year. The controversial Soylent Green MRE is once again available, thanks in large part to demand from the rank-and-file.

Plentiful and relatively inexpensive to produce, Soylent Green was first fielded to the Marines in October 2019 in Afghanistan. Within weeks, it became the most popular MRE, and demand for them spread throughout the theater and into other AORs.

“I didn’t like ‘em at first,” admitted Marine Cpl. Tab Fielding, an infantryman with the 1st Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment. “But every time I got to eat in Afghanistan, the only thing left was Soylent Green and the Veggie Omelet.”

Fielding then shuddered and looked pale as he visibly fought back nausea.

“Veggie Omelet,” he choked. “I can’t believe I ever ate that.”

But the long-term viability of the meal was called into question after the mysterious secret ingredient…