Space Force anthem ensures aliens will never contact Earth

They hate the song like everyone else.

6

By Cobra Commander

NATIONAL HARBOR, Md. — When the United States Space Force introduced its official song this week, extraterrestrial life forms throughout the galaxy were listening in and their reaction to the song was universal hatred, sources confirmed today.

“Are they trying to put us to sleep? Is that what this is, some kind of somnambulant ray?” asked Krangu, Lord-Protectorate of the 5th moon of Klaxon. “If this is what they call music, I won’t even bother conquering their planet. They already live in hell.”

The decision to broadcast the song into space is now being questioned by officials as many alien species weigh in on its shortcomings.

“I thought that song sucked and my species doesn’t even have ears!” said Gelmac-519, a member of a migratory society that no longer primarily resides on a planet since the Peacekeeper Wars.

Notably, the song had a tepid reaction from Space Force members as well.

Duffel Blog is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our wor…

Watch with a 7-day free trial

Subscribe to Duffel Blog to watch this video and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.