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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Monday, 28 September 2026

Air & Space

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

White House says redesign projects discipline, strength and “absolutely no historical parallels”

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

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Vol. 15 · No. 116

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Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Deployed worldwide

Monday

28 September 2026

1215 Zulu

Next edition Wednesday

← Front page
Air & Space · Page 6

Space Force quarantines lieutenants in wormhole to protect them from COVID-19

Filed · 1549

The Crab Nebula: SECTOR 15

“The days are getting longer. We have been in quarantine here for seven days. The rations are running low. We ran out of beer on the second day. The sector maps are too difficult to understand. We are lost. We are Lieutenants.”

As the high-yield murder machine of the coronavirus burns through the United States a second time, the US Space Force took out-of-this-world desperate measures to secure the health of its most fragile and vulnerable members, second lieutenants. Space Force has sent these precious flowers on quarantine to a wormhole in the Crab Nebula.

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