The Crab Nebula: SECTOR 15

“The days are getting longer. We have been in quarantine here for seven days. The rations are running low. We ran out of beer on the second day. The sector maps are too difficult to understand. We are lost. We are Lieutenants.”

As the high-yield murder machine of the coronavirus burns through the United States a second time, the US Space Force took out-of-this-world desperate measures to secure the health of its most fragile and vulnerable members, second lieutenants. Space Force has sent these precious flowers on quarantine to a wormhole in the Crab Nebula.

A Space Force spokesman told reporters: "The uncertainty of the situation forced the Space Force to take drastic measures to protect these vulnerable lieutenants. Space Force lieutenants are usually very pale and never see the light of day. This makes them very susceptible to the virus. While this is a difficult decision, it needed to be done.”

When asked about the possibility that quarantining lieutenants i…