BUCKLEY SPACE FORCE BASE — Years after its creation in 2019, the Space Force is still on the Air Force’s family phone plan, sources close to the new armed service say.

“I was scrolling through Venmo,” Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark Milley said, “and I saw that Space Force had sent over $800,000 to the Air Force with a note that said ‘April-June phone with a little phone emoji and heart emoji.’ I thought, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. Space Force has its own uniforms and service song, but can’t get its own phone plan? It’s time to grow up.”

“Plus,” Milley added, “three months of payments at once? Get your shit together, Space Force, and don’t make the Air Force front you, not when I just made sure that you got that $17.4 billion operating budget.”