Space Marine: Oh, You Think My Job Is Cool? Try Police Calling In Zero Gravity
The following is a transcription of an unauthorized audio file embedded in a command chronology burst sent via retrans comm drone. The file was recorded by Lance Cpl. Bei Ming Ken of Orbital Drop Company, 3rd Battalion, 1st Marines aboard USS Dakota Meyer IVO Algol Binary System.
The year is 2214.
Yeah, yeah, clap it up. The Marine Corps is still going strong, except for those four years we were cryogenically frozen during a government shutdown. And guess what?
It still fucking sucks.
You all seem to have this juvenile notion that being a Space Marine would be “totally hardcore” and “fucking badass.” I thought the same thing, too. All of those cool action holo[gram]s and recruiting advertisements are bullshit – especially the one where some dude scales a sheer rock face with his bare hands and transforms into his dress blues upon reaching the summit, then battles a fire-breathing dragon with his ceremonial sword.
My recruiter had me creaming my pants with the promise of dropping in on alie…
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