YOUR HOME — You thought being stationed close to home would be a good idea, since you could hang out with old friends, see family more often, and pocket a little BAH while living at home.

But that all came crashing down when you realized that your mom’s new boyfriend looked all too familiar, sources confirmed today.

At first you couldn’t quite put your finger on it, then that next morning as you were driving onto base, it hit you: One of the gate guards at your base is dating your mom.

You couldn’t mask your discomfort when you pulled up Gate A1 and handed him your ID, officials said. They added that you tried not to make eye contact but you subtly wanted to make sure you weren’t crazy and took one more glance.