SPOILER: Fort Hood isn’t ‘The Great Place’—It’s the Bad Place

THE BAD PLACE — We knew Janet was too good to be true when she welcomed us at Fort Hood’s reception area. If only we were more perceptive, we would have seen that plot twist coming. Fort Hood isn’t The Great Place. It’s the Bad Place.

There were other signs that we should have been aware of. For instance, the whole Confederate General name thing—not a good sign.

Or its distance from both Austin (hipsters!) and Waco (well, you’ll have to Google that one).

Let’s not forget the other signs:

The drownings.

The Native American burial grounds.

The black mold that communicates with the living.

The whole declaring Soldiers AWOL instead of looking for them thing.

All the General Officer offices guarded by the slug larvae of demons.

And the other awful things not fit for publication in a family newspaper.

Oh, and the lack of accountability and blame placed on low-level commanders. Huge red flags.

It’s not as if the writers were doing a perfect job hiding the truth from us. Come on, you know how this works.