FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Pentagon announced that United States servicemembers would be required to get the COVID-19 vaccination by September 15th. A few soldiers, however, have some issues with the new policy.

“The yoke of tyranny, in the form of a 29th vaccination, fits poorly upon my shoulders,” Army Staff Sgt. Brian Wilcox said while supervising the raking of the company common area.

“Look, the first 28 vaccinations that I got were okay. When you put your name on the dotted line, you sign up for things you might not be comfortable with. But, this 29th vaccination? Not a chance,” said Wilcox, who has literally no medical training.

“It’s, quite frankly, a question of liberty,” said a stoic Wilcox as he pressured his soldiers to buy Girl Scout cookies from his daughter.