Syria issues travel ban on U.S. missiles
DAMASCUS, SYRIA — Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad ordered the immediate closure of all Syrian airports and airfields to U.S. missiles today, fulfilling a threat he issued after U.S. missile strikes on the country.
In a ceremony at the presidential palace attended by most of the Syrian government, Assad signed the ban to rapturous applause, only briefly punctuated when several generals prematurely stopped clapping and were summarily executed.
"We don't want these missiles here," Assad told the cheering crowd. "We don't need these missiles here. We are perfectly capable of destroying our own infrastructure without these foreign missiles coming over here to do a job that Syrians are perfectly capable of doing themselves."
To illustrate his point, he ordered his Shabiha militia to immediately massacre all remaining Syrian soldiers at the Shayrat air base.
Assad added that he planned to extend the missile ban to the United Kingdom, France, Israel, and most of Western Europe.
"We only want to a…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.