BEIJING – President Xi Jinping announced today that China is opening free web services to aid U.S. service members working at home due to novel Coronavirus restrictions.

Xi said, “China offers these services in the spirit of military cooperation, in keeping with our long tradition of respecting international human suffering, and not in any way as an admission of fault for creating the virus. Nope. Nuhuh.”

China’s government highlighted the following services with explanations:

1. People’s Liberation Army Knowledge On Line (PLAKO)

In addition to fast connections, users can learn about People’s Liberation Army (PLA) careers, connect with PLA friends, and access training for totally nonaggressive skills like building military facilities on remote islands or driving tanks through civil demonstrations. PLAKO encourages all military users to post deployment pictures with geolocation. This site also connects the PLA Navy with anyone who has skills with aircraft carrier design, maintenance, or de…