WASHINGTON — As the nation gears up for its annual fiery tribute to independence, the Department of Defense is urging a moment of somber reflection for a unique demographic of American heroes: those who, through a confluence of patriotism and questionable judgment, sacrificed their limbs during last year's Fourth of July celebrations.

A new public service announcement, "Sparklers Are Not Sabers," aims to remind citizens that the battlefield isn't the only place where brave Americans can suffer life-altering injuries.

"We honor our combat veterans, and rightly so," stated Brig. Gen. Alric "Ric" L. Francis, the Commandant of the United States Army Field Artillery School. "But let's not forget the sheer, unadulterated dedication it takes to attempt to launch a fully loaded porta-potty with a string of M-80s into low earth orbit. That’s a different kind of bravery, or perhaps a different kind of brain damage.”

The general paused to take a sip of what appeared to be black coffee, though the steam rising from the mug suggested something closer to molten lead.